Rants By Belcher
To read my rants please click on the heading below
- “I was born in the UK in the middle of World War Two, at just about the time that matters started turning in the Allies favour. Coincidence? perhaps. Mine was the teenage generation that changed popular music by giving the thumbs up to Rock ‘n’ Roll. Subsequent teenage generations for all their gob have changed little since”
- “Living through eight different decades has taught me that although people are generally shite, there are life affirming exceptions to this.”
- Work and Health
- “A lifetime of heavy physical work has left me with two damaged knees that make quick movement impossible. I’ve had to buy a lidded pail from the local Wilkinson’s store, which is placed at the bottom of the stairs for the times when I can’t make it up to the bathroom. There was a time when I didn’t have a pot to piss in – so I suppose this is progress really.”
- “Politically, I’m left of centre – I maintain that anyone who isn’t a member of the Berkshire hunt would be.”
- “I’m a tolerant guy. I can forgive George Formby for being George Formby – He couldn’t help it – but I can’t forgive George Formby impersonators.”
- “In a perfect world – all the Gregorian chanters and all the Rappers would be forced to listen to each other sine die.”
- Evolution’s Last Word
- “When you see Texters walking towards you with Heads bowed, Browse deeply furrowed (even the youngest of them) and generally doing an impression of a Chimp given a test too far – it makes you ponder on whether the opposable thumb was really such a good thing”
- Computer Program Help Users
- “Program Users can basically be divided into two Groups. Those who believe that they are so clever that they don’t need to look at the Help Pages and the more modest ones who know that they should but don’t anyway.”
- “Currently, Slimming adverts are all stressing the Confidence to be gained through using their products. When the Allies marched into Belsen concentration camp in 1945, the Liberators were horrified by the condition of the inmates but amazed at how Confident they all were.”
- “Firstly, an apology to the decent people who sometimes don the Headwear I’m referring to, but not to those who use them to convey their tude and how they’re a bit tasty by twisting them this way and that. Such ingenuity. May I suggest TwatHats as a name for them (Yeah!, I know they’re really Caps but that wouldn’t work). “I couldn’t properly see his face officer, he was wearing a TwatHat”. Hope it catches on.”
- Curious one-way Logic
- “The Momentum of the Tories assault on the unfortunates in Society and the curious logic they use to take benefits from the poor as an incentive to make them work harder. Shouldn’t taxing the Rich at a higher rate provide a similar incentive for them? Apparently not, we are told that they will sulk and take their toys home or go to America or wherever. Let those that want to, go – I doubt that we’ll be a poorer society without them, in any sense of the word.”
- Democracy really works
- “General Election time in the UK is when a couple of million floating voters are quite content that their votes will not get them the Government they want as long as they can prevent many millions more from getting their choice.”
- “What is this country coming to, when you can’t Punch and Harangue someone smaller and less important than yourself without censure? Poor old Jezza – people like him just can’t get a fair shake in life.”
- Euro Referendum
- “No matter what the result of the UK vote on Europe – I couldn’t help being impressed by the confidence and self belief of those interviewed on the street by the TV channels. Few, if any, doubted their ability to come to the right decision on a hugely complex matter. Perhaps, a little later, we can have a referendum on how advanced physics should be progressed.
The people have a right to their say. The fight to be the Working classes modern Wat Tyler seems to be between Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage.
“Go figure” – as our American friends might say.”
- Fair Warning
- “BBC Television kindly warns us when a report on an Earthquake or a Hurricane is likely to distress Viewers. Shouldn’t they similarly inform us when one of their royal arselickers is about to go into Turbo Grovelling mode? It’s only fair. On this subject – whatever happened to the Mirror’s Tony Parsons? Has he achieved his dream job as a Footman at the Palace?”
- “A Man will tell a Lie to save himself or perhaps more nobly to protect a Friend. A Woman will Lie, just for the Practice.”
- Final Thought
- “Have you known any person – even when the incredible vastness of the Universe is pointed out to them – who doesn’t think that their own hurt feelings are still the most important thing to be considered in it? If human arrogance could be harnessed for use for our energy needs then we’d soon have that green world we strive for.”
- The Medical Trade
- “For those of you who can remember the early fifties when Television was first affordable for working class people – you will recall that the picture would slide down or across the screen every few minutes.
This could be temporarily cured by the Horizontal and Vertical hold buttons. Imagine now, if sixty odd years later, this was still the case and Television manufacturers were telling us that they now know exactly why its happening but that they just don’t know how to cure it. And if they then went on to say that people shouldn’t stick their fingers in power sockets as they might get electrocuted.
What would we think of these manufacturers? They’d be accused of being both inept and patronising.
Yet the Medical trade have been doing this kind of thing for a long time now. Blood tests for dandruff and everything else – but cures are a long time coming. After years of research into heart disease, they come up with advice like “Walk 10,000 steps a day and – basically – don’t eat or drink anything that you enjoy.”
Imagine one of the Despots of old being told this by his medical advisors, they’d soon have been fed to the crocodiles. We got this kind of advice for nothing from old wives and grandmothers. Whereas this sort of thing comes very expensive from Doctors and Research laboratories. Every week the Media has some new story about some exiting medical break-through, but we’re always told that it will be up to five years before we can benefit from it and then it seems to be quietly forgotten. I’ve seen friends and family become ill.
They’ve been poked and prodded and tested and observed by the Medical fraternity. Then mostly, they’ve got worse and died.
I think that they would have been comforted to think that the experimentation on them would sooner rather than later be of benefit to others. There doesn’t seem to be too many signs of it yet. All the impressive medical work seems to come after the event.
Heart bypass, Cancer removal operations and the like.
All I’m saying really is that in any other business – Failure to find answers and cures for problems for such a long time would be considered just that-Failure.” Belcher
- “Pubs have been closing in the UK at an alarming and unparalled rate.
Drunks are causing more trouble than any society should have to put up with.
All this can be mainly laid at the door of Do-gooders who decided that something that on the face of it ( I admit ) seemed wrong should be put right.
What the Do-gooders didn’t like was the Brewery tied house system.
This was a system where a Brewery would rent one of their pubs to a Tenant landlord on the understanding that he only sold products made or approved of by the Brewery. This seems unfair but in practice it usually worked to the benefit of the Landlord and his customers. Even in small villages there were often two or even three pubs owned by different breweries. So there was always a choice for customers. Tenants always moaned about rents but at the time I’m writing about – a pub in the centre of my home town paid less in rent than some families living in council houses. Also, it should be remembered that the Tenant and his family were getting somewhere to live as well as somewhere to make a living out of for the rent they paid. Nevertheless, the Do-gooders decided that the system was wrong. They created a situation where breweries were forced to allow competitors beer on their premises. Breweries decided to sell off a load of their pubs, often to companies who had no feel for the trade. For all their faults – Breweries believed in beer and believed in pubs. Something these agency companies never did. In some cases rents went up 800 percent. And tenants were forced to take on 20 year leases. This made beer prices rocket and the mature and elderly drinkers could no longer afford to use pubs as they previously had.
Suddenly, there was the phenomenon of youngsters pubs for the under thirties – where there were no older drinkers to set an example
Youngsters can’t learn from each other as they are mostly equally stupid as we all were at that age. Successive governments have attempted to deal with the trouble caused by simply increasing the tax on drink. All this does is make it even less likely that the pubs of old will ever exist again. Young people with disposable income will continue drinking too much and causing trouble. The law will continue punishing them in ways that don’t make their eyes water and nothing will change.” Belcher
- “Every so often and just for a while the Media guys seem to get it, but that doesn’t last long and they soon slip back into their lazy ways. When the news purveyors get it right they are sensing the People’s distaste for the wrong use of the words Earn and Worth.
When they get it wrong they’ll report that some supercilious banker earned five million for their efforts last year or that somebody or other is worth one hundred million or so, although that person’s only achievement seems to be that of being born into a wealthy family. Is there anyone who doesn’t understand the word Earn to mean to merit or to deserve? And when we speak of a person’s worth – shouldn’t we be speaking of the person themselves? We might, for instance, say that we are willing to make the extra effort for this or that person because he or she is worth it. It should never be related to money. My point is that it is only the Media that keeps re-enforcing the unacceptable use of these words. To try to illustrate this further – I’ll tell of someone who I believe did earn his money and was really worth whatever amount he managed to get together. Jeff was a bricklayer’s labourer that I worked with on different sites in the sixties and seventies. He kept three very speedy bricklayers supplied day in and day out with the bricks and blocks and mortar and whatever else they required. They paid him well because he actually did earn his pay and they knew it. I’ve known quite a few people who I’d reckon as great workers but none could challenge Jeff. To get a head start and to make sure that his brickie employees could begin work as soon as they arrived – Jeff would use his bike to arrive thirty minutes early on site so as to move scaffolding and to provide whatever was needed. Not stopping for morning break or lunch, Jeff would work all day. I can still recall him wheeling a barrowful of mortar up a steep planked incline with a sandwich held in his mouth which he ate in the manner of a crocodile swallowing its pray. His liquid intake was from the water hose which he sometimes used externally to cool down. I may lack the descriptive skills to convey just what a tremendous worker Jeff was but everyone who saw him at work was in awe of him. When the lorry came to pick us up at the end of the day Jeff loaded his bike, climbed in after it and was usually asleep in a couple of minutes. Because of the enormous stress his work caused, Jeff used to drink and smoke quite heavily during his leisure time. No doubt, this and the excessive work was what contributed to the fatal heart attack he suffered in his late thirties. I hope I’ve made the case that Jeff and millions like him really do earn their rewards in a way that bankers and footballers and pop and film stars never do and never can. For those just mentioned I suggest terms like creamed off or gouged or diverted or pocketed but never ever earned.” Belcher
- The Old Days
- “For those that liked that kind of thing – Agatha Christie wrote a rattling good Murder Mystery. However, nobody could accuse her of creating Characters with any depth to them. They were just there to be the Victim or to find the body or perhaps, to be murdered themselves for knowing too much. Christie certainly wasn’t politically correct. I seem to remember one of her characters being of the opinion that another character in the book “was an example of the worst kind of Jew” Servant girls were always hysterical but they were working class so what could you expect was madam christie’s view. Only in one of her Novels can I recall one of her creations saying something with a touch of profoundness about it and which was also a shrewd observation. The Murderess had just been unmasked and had admitted killing her longtime female companion (entirely innocent of anything sexual in Christie world).She said that she had to do it because said companion was a dotty character who couldn’t be trusted not to incriminate her. She then went on to say that she was sorry because her companion had been the only one left that remembered the Old days. This last statement has more poignancy if you are getting up there like I am and seem to be attending Funerals about five times a month. The longer you live the more likely it is that there will be nobody left who remembers the old times of your childhood and Teenage years. My childhood was one of happy poverty and the chances of our family owning a Camera to record it was as likely as us owning our own Jet plane. A slightly more prosperous Teenage period but still only two photographs to show for it. That’s why I think in this Digital age of phone cameras and free online storage and the rest – its so easy to keep a record of your life with family and friends and everyone should do so.One day it may be all there is.” Belcher
- Pedestrianised Areas
- “I The BeeLiner and other aberrations of the Pedestrianised area. Usually a woman – The BeeLiner does a quick reccy to ensure she’s been noticed by others in the vicinity – she then turns off eye contact and makes a beeline for her immediate destination expecting the supporting cast in front of her to make any concessions necessary to aid her triumphant zig-zagging progress. These women may be graduates of Assertiveness classes because they normally get away with it. The nothing can hurt me now character. Male or Female – This person knows that the area is vehicle free, So they stride straight out of whichever shop they’ve been in without a glance either way. Presumably, they don’t feel that cyclists or twenty stone pedestrians can damage them. Amazingly, they too seem to get off scot free most of the time. The Petulant charioteer – Female and usually Teens or early Twenties. Pushing a child filled buggy makes the Charioteer believe she should be treated as Mother Earth and woe betide anybody who gets in her way. She’d rather bruise a Male shin but any shin will do at a pinch.” Belcher
- Who’s in charge
- “In the early days of Computers, Science fiction writers were quick to latch on to the idea of the machines becoming so smart that they would take over from their human users. In the end they were usually thwarted by somebody tipping a mug of coffee into their processing unit or somesuch. That’s how I did it anyway. It seems, today, that the SF writers were onto something, but perhaps not in the way that they thought. In the early days of the PC – stress was quite rightly put on how the machine could make life easier for the human user. We were informed that Word processor software was far in advance of the old typewriter. Which it was. Similarly, that the Spreadsheet outdid the calculator and that DTP was far superior to the printing machines that people used at the time. Now the emphasis is nearly always about how we can best serve our computers. Every I.T. magazine fills their pages with articles on how we can protect our machines from Viruses and Trojans and Rootkits etc.We are told about programs to clean the Registry and remove unnecessary files to make our pride and joy run faster and sweeter. They highlight programs to test hard drives and Memory and there’s hardly anything anymore on Apps that help us to get our work done or indulge our Hobbies. It seems that it is the Computer that now matters and Humans? not so much. What have you done for your Computer today?” Belcher
- Vendors Beware
- “Since the time when our ancestors first started to barter, it has always been the Buyer who is expected to beware. We are sold this idea as if it will ever be unchanging and unchangeable. This situation might have obtained in the earliest times, but surely we can do better in the more ordered society of today. As soon as children are old enough to understand – we explain the need for Honesty to them. How do we further explain that one section of the population is constantly taking the piss out of another?
How do we explain Advertising and Marketing? Not a week goes by without some Supermarket or other being accused of some dubious trading practice. They don’t even bother to make much of a defense anymore. Knowing, as they do, that one of their rivals will soon be accused of something similar and thereby take the heat of them. Busy shoppers have short memories. Its not just Supermarkets that need to be sorted – but a start has to be made somewhere and solutions found in this section could be used elsewhere. Changing the piss-taking culture might take a decade or two.My idea is that the Government should introduce something that would be known as a CREDIBILITY FACTOR or CF.No Vendor would be forced to buy into the CF idea but anyone who didn’t would surely have negative conclusions drawn about them. A perfect CF score might be say 10,000 points. Vendors could, if they liked, still try and convince us that something that cost £20 was really only £19.99 but doing so would cost 100 points off their CF total. They could continue to put illustrations on the packaging of their food products that bear little relation to the contents. e.g. showing a cottage pie with an inch thick beef filling when in actuality its less than a quarter of that.In an honest world, doing the above would be considered to be fraud but should at least mean losing 500 CF points. In short the Government would be saying to Vendors – “We are aware of all your doubtful trading methods and you can continue using them if you like, but it will in future count against you when stacked against competitors who improve their credibility by discarding these methods”. The elected government would make the CF rules and the vendor supermarkets would have to follow them. Not like the situation when the government wanted to bring in a system of Traffic lights to guide shoppers regarding how healthy foods were and firms like Tesco saying “no thanks-we’ll do our own”. I accept that it would need a strong government to lay down the law to powerful business interests and even more difficult to find honest politicians who wouldn’t be putting their own post politics employment interests first. Some on the board, some stacking shelves perhaps. There are Pros and Cons to this and to every idea but it would be difficult for any business to say that they didn’t want anything to do with Credibility – wouldn’t it?” Belcher